You Can Only Light People Up If They Can See You
I was feeling sort of bummed. It had been a long day, but I wasn’t tired for bed yet so I curled up on my oversized bean bag and watched the clouds pass over this October’s full moon. I love the moon. This one caught my eye so many times while I was sitting on the couch that it seemed to be asking me to put down my phone and watch it. The clouds were lighter in some places, darker in others; thicker in some places, thinner in others. And as I watched the light of the moon become brighter in some instances and blocked in others, this downloaded into my brain: You can only light people up if they can see you.
A huge part of online business or all business really.. Is visibility. As I go through the steps of building an online business for myself, I notice myself wanting to hide sometimes. I mean, really, my whole life is visible to anyone who wants to see it (thanks Facebook). But the stuff that is going on in my mind is usually kept to myself or shared with my patients in the treatment room. It passed through my mind again “You can only light people up if they can see you”.
And I had to start asking myself the question:
What clouds are obscuring you?
Lots of things cloud me. Some of my clouds are my unfounded relationship fears. I have a great husband who loves me dearly. And. I adjust myself all the time to things I assume he wants without ever asking him if he wants them. My brain is constantly searching for ways to make him happy. And I make them up. He is pretty clear about what he wants from me. I just happen to put in extra bits… just in case.
Just now, watching the moon (and loving it), I thought to myself that I should go to bed because he is already in bed and he would prefer that I was there too.
The truth is probably closer to: he’s fast asleep and just fine.
Are you clouding parts of yourself to please other people?
I am not talking about compromise here. I am talking about this weird shape shifting we do that we assume other people need from us. I often don’t bother calling my friends when I need help because “they are all busy and have issues of their own”… but when they don’t call me for help, I am bothered by the fact that I didn’t know they were struggling and couldn’t help them. No matter how busy I am.
It’s hiding. I hide behind clouds of being ‘considerate’. Hiding is not letting people see you struggle. It’s always being the ‘fixer’ and the ‘helper’ and feeling like anytime you need support you’d be bothering someone.
I’ve come to realize after a whole year of posting at least one blog a week that the posts that get the most ‘attention’ are the ones that I am afraid to share. They are written, edited (sort of) and copied and pasted from Google docs into my website. I just have to click publish. And I hesitate.
I hesitate because I am afraid I am being too harsh. I hesitate because I am afraid to hurt people’s feelings. I hesitate because I am afraid that if people SEE me, they won’t like me. Sometimes, I click publish anyway. Nervously. I hit the enter button and then slam my laptop shut and get up, walk away and pretend it never happened.
Then, the responses come flooding in.
Me too, she says.
Are you writing to me directly this week? Arrives in my email.
Oh wow, I really needed to hear that. Facebook messenger.
Thanks for that reminder. Instagram inbox.
We all have the ability to transform the pieces of our lives that scare us and help the people around us do the same. That happens most when we shine a light on the scary bits. In my life, I have found that most often, someone else shined a light on themselves and it bursted something open in me. That’s why I write now. I want to help you stop hiding behind your clouds, in order to do that, I need to allow myself to shine brightly and allow mine to clear.
Here are a few people who have helped me over the years:
Brene Brown. Glennon Doyle Melton. Lissa Rankin. Oprah. Mel Robbins. Gay Hendricks. H.H. Dalai Lama. Lillian Bridges. Robin Saraswati Markus. Tosha Silver. Martha Beck. Gabrielle Bernstein. Elizabeth Gilbert.
The list could go on and on but the only people on it are the ones that have bared their souls so that I could see mine.
Who helps you shine brightly and part clouds?