The One Question You Need To Ask Yourself If You Want To Be Your Own Best Friend
BYOBF. Be Your Own Best Friend.
This concept was introduced to me by my real life best friend, Ewa. Ewa is a world class life and business coach with a couple of books under her belt and some amazing client success stories. She’s a great person to have as a Bestie and a great person to have keep it real conversations with.
We had a discussion on this topic in 2008 while we were building a coaching company for women struggling with infertility. I, at the time, was working in an infertility center and so 99% of my patients were actively trying to conceive and I noticed how their self talk often left a lot to be desired. At the very least, it wasn’t creating the kind of nice internal environment that makes feeling good and getting pregnant easier.
Have you ever noticed that you say things to yourself that you would NEVER say to your best friend?
I am not talking hard truths here, people. I love hard truths and I don’t mind uncomfortable, difficult conversations. I judge my friendships on our ability to share with each other even when it hurts – because who else can I count on to tell me when I’m off base?!? Lack of honesty and a cheerleader-only attitude is a sure fire way to keep me off your bestie list – I need you to keep it real and I promise to do the same for you.
That being said: honesty doesn’t need to sound like an asshole. You can share, discuss and reflect upon hard truths without going down the rabbit hole of nasty self talk like:
1. You’ll never figure this out
2. You look like a cow today, you should really change those pants
3. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did you do (insert whateverthef here)?!?!?!?
If you were talking to your best friend, these might be transformed into:
1. I know you’re having a hard time figuring this out, but you’ve figured hard stuff out before. Remember when you didn’t know how to go about (X) but you learned and did it anyway?
2. If you’re feeling crappy today, maybe change into an outfit that makes you feel more comfortable – no need to compound your tough day with hard to button pants over a bloated stomach.
3. Hey, we’ve all made bonehead moves. This wasn’t your shining moment, but let’s look at it from another angle. Have you considered that this might end up in your benefit?
There are a million ways to retrain that voice in your head to be nicer to you. The first step is to notice when the nasty speak pops up and asking yourself one simple question:
Would I say that to my best friend?
In the comments below, let me know what kind of things you say to yourself and give an example of how you could transform them!
I’m excited to see how you can be a little friendlier to yourself today!